May Contain Blueberries

the sometimes journal of Jeremy Beker

In an attempt to write more here (self-therapy? HA!) I’m going to attempt to write a bit more than I have been. I will still continue with the links and other tidbits, but I will try to actually “talk” a little more As any who know me, about a year ago (actually it will be a year this friday), RSA (formerly 3GI) shut down my whole office and I was dropped off the end of my own personally dot-com roller coaster. This has once again been dwelling on my mind lately and having a detrimental effect on my moods.

My current workplace is a good place to work, and I don’t dislike it at all. I think that may be part of the issue. I don’t “dislike” it, but neither can I honestly say that I actually “like” what I am doing. The work that I am doing is not challenging in an intellectual manner, something that I learned to enjoy (and I admit, crave) at 3GI.

During my lunchtime walk today, Roger mentioned that he has a friend out in Oregon that just had a similar situation happen to him. The startup he was working for had their financial backer pull out. (I originally misspelled that “baker.” Amusing mental image.) Roger was concerned for his friend but was mildly confused in that his friend seemed not to be reacting very much to the situation one way or another. I explained to Roger that my feeling from experience was that his friend was a sense of “disbelief” at the situation that occurs when something that you have put your heart into gets “taken away” even if you knew it was coming.

I still have that feeling regarding 3GI. It seems at times that I am just on some weird vacation and that any day now I will head back to my old office and pick up where we left off. And scarely, I am confident that even given the year passing, I could pick up the technical issues we dropped immediately. I know for a fact I could give a rundown of what my staff was working on no problem. It makes finding satisfaction in ones later work very difficult. I remember one of my former coworkers saying that in response to the question “Are you enjoying your new job” he had to say “I would love it if I hadn’t had my dream job.” This is my feeling as well.

Focus. Something I do not seem to have lately. I am planning to take some graduate classes this next semester and I hope that will impose some intellectual rigour on my brain.

Ramble Ramble Ramble. New Topic. Or at least some random thoughts

Tonight is Alton Brown night! Woo Hoo!

Our Clematis shipped today. Should be here friday. More planting! But thankfully only two plants.

My hands still hurt from all the planting last weekend (1, 2, 3). I thought it was all better, then I went to staple some paper together and grabbed the stapler in my right hand and squeezed. Ouchie. Muscles still need some work there. Heal Faster! Go Go White Blood Cells! And the damn healing blisters itch like crazy.

Bouncy music is a good thing. I pulled out one of my Lenny Kravitz CD’s on monday when E and I went out to dinner with the Brandt clan. Unfortunately E was not in a bouncy mood and wasn’t up for loud music, but I have been playing it loud in the car for the last few days since.